You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
