he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
