You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
