Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize