my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
