I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
