I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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