I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
