My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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