if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
