yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
