i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
