Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you didnt know i had herpes?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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