What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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