Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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