You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
