i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
