you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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