I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
