A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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