You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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