I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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