I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
