Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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