its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
