you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
