I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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