yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
