My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
