What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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