just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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