Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
