i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
