How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
