Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
