Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize