How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
