Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
