the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
