Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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