So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
