God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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