Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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