Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
