oh god the rape fog is back!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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