So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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