We won't sleep together?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
