I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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