i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
