i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
God, I missed his penis.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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