I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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