So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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