Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
