I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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