my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
