You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
