Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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