I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
