I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
