It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
COCAINE IS GR8
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
