Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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