If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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