can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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