So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I checked into jail on foursquare
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And then he peed in my hair
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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