Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
